chill

spent time at a friend's house this morning.  talked life and kids and books.

attempted to have "silent reading time" with the boys.  they did better than i expected, although they definitely weren't silent.  :)

colored on the glass patio doors with window crayons.  it was actually pretty fun.  someone whose name rhymes with mesmond also colored on the carpet.  that's when i took all the crayons away.

took a nap.  no shame.  I TOOK A NAP TODAY, PEOPLE.  (and yesterday and every day last week except sunday.)

made bbq pizza (with zucchini, onions, cheddar, mozzarella, and bacon) for the boys and myself.  with a TON of barbecue sauce.  (silas is sick of bbq pizza and refuses to eat it with me anymore.  maybe because i made us eat it at least twice a week for several months....)

boys are asleep, floor is mopped, kitchen is clean.  now i am going to chill with some white collar (neal caffrey, my bff) and a few loads of laundry.

(i used to always use "folding laundry" as an excuse to go watch tv in my parents' bedroom.  and now i use it as an excuse to watch tv in my bedroom.  although who i'm trying to fool now, i'm not sure.)



august is almost over!  can you believe it?

fake birthday

yesterday, we celebrated all of our birthdays.

of course, it wasn't any of our actual birthdays...or even anyone's half-birthday.

but i decided we needed some festivity, so festivity we would have.

it was legit.  i made a sign.

we took the boys to see ice age 4 (they lasted about 45 minutes), and came home for pizza and presents.    it didn't matter that we were late to the movie, or that we spent most of it chasing the boys up and down the stairs (there was hardly anyone there, so it wasn't a big deal).  or that the pizza took so long to cook (thank you oven) that we just made the boys grilled cheese so they could go to bed.  or that the oven destroyed my cupcakes and rendered them inedible (seriously, i could write an entire post dedicated to the eccentricities of our oven).

we had presents.  and a sign.  and balloons.  and it felt special.

i got the boys each a pair of sunglasses, and a little airplane and dinosaur.  (bless them for being so easy to please right now.)  i got silas a massage at a local spa, and he got me a pizza stone.  (i've been wanting one forever.)

i left the sign up today.  it's cheerful.

birthdays, real or invented, are a definite morale-booster.

(and so, by the way, is anything that glows in the dark.)

an apology to my friends

i am not a good friend.

let's just put that out there.

and even though i really have no excuses, i want to try to explain why i suck at friendship so much.

but first, check out these giant pizza bubbles--my favorite part.

when i was growing up, my dad was in the military.  we moved around a bit.  not A LOT a lot, but by the time i was 18 i'd moved about 9 or 10 times.   (i know this is nothing, that some people move every year or even more than that.)

i made a lot of really good friends growing up.  close friends.  friends that i still think about on a weekly, or even daily, basis; even though i haven't talked to most of them in years.

but every time i moved, i moved on.  completely.  i guess i just assumed that was the natural order of things.  i tried sometimes to keep old friendships going after i moved to a new place, but eventually they would fade.  and i just accepted that.  not to say i didn't cry every day and feel incredibly lonely for a while, because i often did.  but i didn't really put much effort into sustaining old friendships.  i didn't know how.  in my experience, you made friends, you moved, you made new friends.

fast forward.  i'm 18.  i've been at college for a few weeks, maybe a month or so.  i get a call from one of my high school friends, and she chews. me. out.  why have i not called or kept in contact?  do i not care?  how can i just completely ditch the people i've spent the last four years building a close relationship with?

by the end of the phone call, i was sobbing.  i believe she even called me a bitch.  i deserved it.

so, to my friends, everyone that i spent more than a few minutes with in high school and college:  i'm sorry.

i think about you every day.  i can promise you that.  (most of you probably won't be reading this, but i'm serious.  i think about you.  i wonder how you're doing.  i miss you.  i stalk you on facebook.)  ;)

i didn't intentionally ditch you.  i just don't know how to keep friends.

one of the things silas has that i'm most envious of is friends that he grew up with.  friends that he's known since before high school, and after college.

i want to be jealous that he grew up in the same place for most of his life, and has years of shared experiences with these people.

but i know it's my fault that i'm not in close contact with my friends in high school.  i live across the country now, though.  can i still have those close relationships?

one of my bigger faults is that i am terrible about keeping in contact. i hate making phone calls because i'm super awkward on the phone.  (if i had a dollar for every person who's told me, "i got your message but i couldn't understand it because your voice sounds really high-pitched and you were talking too fast"...)

and my email response time leaves a lot to be desired.


another part of the problem was/is that, especially when i'm going through episodes of depression, i get wrapped up in myself.  i live completely in my head.  i don't reach out, i don't make contact with anyone.  i don't think anyone minds, because why would they want to be around a depressed person anyway?

my friends in high school were so good to me.  they took such good care of me.  i can be a difficult person, i think.  especially in high school, when my mood swings were unpredictable and sometimes volatile, i was lucky to find people that accepted me and loved me.  they put up with my hyper/manic energy and they dealt with all the times i came to school, put my head down on my desk, and cried for an hour and a half.

(now most of you are thinking, "wow.  what a basket case.  i'm so glad i didn't know you in high school.")

i've mellowed out.

(a little.)   :)


there have been so many times when i've wanted to email people that i haven't talked to in a while.  how's your pregnancy going?  do you like your new job?  congratulations on getting into grad school, how's it been so far?  tell me about your boyfriend, he looks so cute.  :)  did you decide whether or not to go to cosmetology school?

but these emails never get sent.  i think, "we haven't talked in so long, she probably doesn't want to hear from me.  she's probably forgotten me, an email will just seem nosy and invasive."

and so the cycle perpetuates.

so, to everyone i haven't talked to in a while: i haven't forgotten you.  i'm merely an abysmally poor communicator.  (just ask my husband.)  please forgive me.

lots of love, y'all.

he did it!

today, silas took his last final and has finished his first year of podiatry school!  enter bbq chicken pizza and ben & jerry's.

now he has a 2 week break before summer term starts.  (more classes!  yay!)  but we're going to make the most of it.  and he's going up to utah next week with sirius to run the timpanogos trail marathon, because he's crazy awesome and much more athletic and driven than i will ever be.

(the boys and i will not be tagging along, since silas and i have a strict "no road trips with children under the age of 5" policy.  this policy was enacted after several miserable road trip experiences.)

in other news, silas and i watched "the help" last week.  i am aware that i was most likely the last person in the entire universe to see that movie (and no, i haven't read the book yet either), but for the record...it was very good.  i cried a TON, which i was not prepared for.  tonight we're renting "one for the money", which i'm pretty sure will elicit no tears.  haha.

and in other other news, last night i finished my 29th book of this year.  (!!!)  it was a good one.  i started my 30th today.  

i feel ridiculously pleased with myself for this accomplishment, but i have a feeling i probably shouldn't be.  i think that if we were playing a phrase association game, "reading 30 books in 6 months" would be grouped with "cat lady", "asocial", "no life", and "is friends with the grocery baggers".

you know how it is.

i love how he just crashed, not on either of the beds or on his blanket, but right in front of the door.  oh, little tessles.

have a spectacular weekend.

why you should join a gym if you have kids

my primary motivation for joining LA Fitness had nothing to do with getting my pre-baby (babies) body back.


because, obviously, i'm super smokin hot already.  i mean just look at me.

a face only a mother could love.


it had everything to do with the fact that, for $40 a month (+ $10/each kid), they will watch my children for two hours a day.

that's about 60 hours per month of childcare for $60 dollars.

are you guys hearing what i'm saying?

at first, i went to the classes.  i cycled and stepped my way into sweaty bliss, enjoying the adult socialization i got every day.  (and by "socialization", i mean that i began to recognize the faces of the people in my classes.  not that i actually worked up the nerve to talk to anyone.)

but now, i have found my true fitness love: walking on the treadmill listening to podcasts.

(i'll do another post on how podcasts are the love of my life.  you can listen while walking, cooking, in the car...it's a beautiful thing.)

am i burning a thousand calories an hour?  no.  am i increasing my endurance and building muscle and developing that super-firm and perky tush i've always wanted?  no.  am i sweating up a hurricane and feeling the burn?  no.

well, yes about the sweating.  there's something wrong with the a/c.

but, am i getting almost 2 hours to myself while i chillax and listen to stuff i like?  oh yes.

yes, i am.

and to make the most of my 2 hours of babysitting, i shower and get ready at the gym [almost] every morning, as well.

some people think gym showers are gross, and i'm not here to dissuade you of that notion.  they are.

but here's the thing.  if you've got someone watching your kids, and they're happy*, you make the most of that time!  for me, that means showering and dressing and doing my makeup and hair--at the gym.

if i shower at home, i'm on borrowed time.  i have to do it when the boys are asleep or in roomtime, when i have other things i need to be doing, like cleaning or making dinner or starting my 27th book for this year (i finished #26 today!  i am on a roll, people.)

but if i shower at the gym, i can take my time.  the kids are being supervised!  i'm free to relax and do my hair and makeup at a leisurely pace while finishing my podcast and trying not to get my straightener tangled in my ipod cord.

they're wonderful things, gyms.  and i know they can get expensive pretty quickly, but if you can find it in your budget to do so, i urge you to try it out.  especially if you're a stay-at-home-mom whose only adult interaction is with the cashiers at the grocery store.

go get your sweat on.  make some friends.  try a class or two.  walk on the treadmill.  go sit in the hot tub.  (i've been debating whether or not i would be looked down upon for bringing a book to the gym and hiding in the locker room to read for my allotted gym time.  i'm thinking maybe i could just go sit on a bike and pedal reaaaaally slowly while i read.)

you guys.

2 HOURS OF BABYSITTING.  EVERY DAY.

are you picking up what i'm laying down?

on a completely unrelated note (if you've been reading this blog for any length of time you will know i'm fond of those), silas and i made these last night.



*the happiness took about 2 weeks.  for a while, the boys would scream and cry and cling every time we walked into the gym.  i was guilt-ridden and almost about to give up when one day, magically, everything was okay.  now they LOVE it and even ask to go sometimes.