very superstitious (i hope you're humming stevie wonder now)

i've been denying it for years, but...i'm pretty superstitious.  in strange ways, though.  i've never had a lucky charm or anything like that.  but i've always been sort of a "sign-seeker", i suppose.  in some ways, that's good, because i usually have a lot of faith that no matter what, things will "work out".  but in other ways, it's kind of ridiculous.

for example:  when i was a kid at a birthday party and they were handing out favors, i took what i was given.  if my best friend had one i liked better and wanted to trade me, i would refuse.  something in me  believed that it was the toy i was meant to have and i wasn't supposed to trade.  i would take the hand Fate had dealt me.

(a plastic toy!!)

i'm really not kidding.  i was a mystical little child.  (robin, this probably doesn't surprise you...)  ;)

but anyway.  i'm also superstitious about the ebb and flow of life.  if things have been going well for a while, i start to get suspicious.  today i was out playing with the boys, and we were having such a good day.  i was enjoying myself.  really.  it was so nice.

the weather was beautiful, and i had two adorable pajama-clad boys carrying around pink buckets to entertain me.  life just felt...good.

and then i had the thought that something else was coming.  i'm not trying to be pessimistic, but hey...we weren't put here to have an easy life.  you don't get stronger by floating along with the current.  my superstitious side is anticipating a trial in the nearish future.  i don't know what it will be, but i have a few things i do not want it to be.

(death.  pregnancy.  terminal illness.  a terrible accident.   you know.)

silas and desmond doing 'massages' with the rolling pin

as an aside, i was also very superstitious about my babies and sleeping.  i never wanted to talk about them taking good naps or sleeping through the night because i knew (KNEW) that they would sense my satisfaction and wake up immediately.

trust me.  it happened.

pizza stuffed mushrooms before si and sirius left on their road trip

and just so you know, the last thing silas said to me before he left for utah:

"don't read too much."

really, now.  have some faith in me.

;)

he did it!

today, silas took his last final and has finished his first year of podiatry school!  enter bbq chicken pizza and ben & jerry's.

now he has a 2 week break before summer term starts.  (more classes!  yay!)  but we're going to make the most of it.  and he's going up to utah next week with sirius to run the timpanogos trail marathon, because he's crazy awesome and much more athletic and driven than i will ever be.

(the boys and i will not be tagging along, since silas and i have a strict "no road trips with children under the age of 5" policy.  this policy was enacted after several miserable road trip experiences.)

in other news, silas and i watched "the help" last week.  i am aware that i was most likely the last person in the entire universe to see that movie (and no, i haven't read the book yet either), but for the record...it was very good.  i cried a TON, which i was not prepared for.  tonight we're renting "one for the money", which i'm pretty sure will elicit no tears.  haha.

and in other other news, last night i finished my 29th book of this year.  (!!!)  it was a good one.  i started my 30th today.  

i feel ridiculously pleased with myself for this accomplishment, but i have a feeling i probably shouldn't be.  i think that if we were playing a phrase association game, "reading 30 books in 6 months" would be grouped with "cat lady", "asocial", "no life", and "is friends with the grocery baggers".

you know how it is.

i love how he just crashed, not on either of the beds or on his blanket, but right in front of the door.  oh, little tessles.

have a spectacular weekend.

passed out

even with all the door-kicking, screaming, giggling, and playing...they do eventually fall asleep.

sometimes crunchy is disgusting

i've turned out to be a lot "crunchier" than I had expected.

 if you'd asked me 5 years ago, my motto would have been "why make it when you can buy it?"

but now I've started to cross the great divide and am trying to make myself at home in the "why buy it when you can make it?" camp.

 crunchy.

 granola mommy.

i did not expect this.

 (i've made granola.)

my explorations into the land of green are mostly limited to the edible arena.  i do not craft.  i do not sew.

but i do cook!   as you are probably well aware.

i make salad dressings (in leftover containers that once contained delicious gelato--which i did not make but did wholeheartedly enjoy),

breads,

various vegetable dishes--some delicious and some kind of disgusting,

 delicious

 delicious

kind of disgusting, unfortunately. 

applesauce,

and, of course, baked goods by the truckload.

currently i am trying out a homemade toothpaste.  the jury's still out. 

sometimes you try something out that everyone is raving about and it turns out to be a complete failure.

i made a homemade laundry detergent last year.  i was happy at first, but after a while--not a fan.  maybe i'll try another recipe in the future but for now i'll stick with the store-bought stuff.  i ruin our clothes enough as it is.

and sometimes, no matter how much other people love something, it's just not for you.

this morning i tried oil-pulling.  it's something i've seen mentioned on several blogs recently, so when i saw the coconut oil at sprouts yesterday i thought, why not?

(why not, indeed.  let me tell you, "why not" is not usually a good reason to try something.)

this morning i awoke and padded into the kitchen to get some coconut oil.  i took small spoonful, placed it in my mouth, and--

ran into the bathroom and gagged over the sink as i tried to rinse my mouth out as quickly as possible.

then i dropped to my knees and dry-heaved over the toilet for a few minutes.

which is how silas found me when he walked into the bathroom this morning.

i'm not sure what triggered the massive gag attack (something about the feel of a ball of oil in my mouth--ugh), but allow me to pass on some wisdom.

 if you have a gag reflex that is even halfway-decent, DO NOT TRY OIL-PULLING.

DO NOT DO IT.

DO. 

NOT.

DO. 

IT.

you have been warned.

parent #3

you guys.

you guys.

this morning after i got the boys up, i told them we were going to do diapers and left to go get a clean one and some undies for tesla (he's not night potty-trained yet...i'm taking my sweet, lazy time with that one).

when i was in the closet i heard tesla getting something and then him saying, "wie down, dedo!  wie down!"

when i came out, i saw that desmond was reclining on a pillow on the floor, and tesla was "changing his diaper".  he undid the tabs with a very serious look on his face and then pronounced, "no poop!"

it was so. cute.  i wish i had it on video.

tesla's becoming so responsible.  i'm pretty sure i'll be able to leave them home alone soon.


(I'M JOKING.)

why you should join a gym if you have kids

my primary motivation for joining LA Fitness had nothing to do with getting my pre-baby (babies) body back.


because, obviously, i'm super smokin hot already.  i mean just look at me.

a face only a mother could love.


it had everything to do with the fact that, for $40 a month (+ $10/each kid), they will watch my children for two hours a day.

that's about 60 hours per month of childcare for $60 dollars.

are you guys hearing what i'm saying?

at first, i went to the classes.  i cycled and stepped my way into sweaty bliss, enjoying the adult socialization i got every day.  (and by "socialization", i mean that i began to recognize the faces of the people in my classes.  not that i actually worked up the nerve to talk to anyone.)

but now, i have found my true fitness love: walking on the treadmill listening to podcasts.

(i'll do another post on how podcasts are the love of my life.  you can listen while walking, cooking, in the car...it's a beautiful thing.)

am i burning a thousand calories an hour?  no.  am i increasing my endurance and building muscle and developing that super-firm and perky tush i've always wanted?  no.  am i sweating up a hurricane and feeling the burn?  no.

well, yes about the sweating.  there's something wrong with the a/c.

but, am i getting almost 2 hours to myself while i chillax and listen to stuff i like?  oh yes.

yes, i am.

and to make the most of my 2 hours of babysitting, i shower and get ready at the gym [almost] every morning, as well.

some people think gym showers are gross, and i'm not here to dissuade you of that notion.  they are.

but here's the thing.  if you've got someone watching your kids, and they're happy*, you make the most of that time!  for me, that means showering and dressing and doing my makeup and hair--at the gym.

if i shower at home, i'm on borrowed time.  i have to do it when the boys are asleep or in roomtime, when i have other things i need to be doing, like cleaning or making dinner or starting my 27th book for this year (i finished #26 today!  i am on a roll, people.)

but if i shower at the gym, i can take my time.  the kids are being supervised!  i'm free to relax and do my hair and makeup at a leisurely pace while finishing my podcast and trying not to get my straightener tangled in my ipod cord.

they're wonderful things, gyms.  and i know they can get expensive pretty quickly, but if you can find it in your budget to do so, i urge you to try it out.  especially if you're a stay-at-home-mom whose only adult interaction is with the cashiers at the grocery store.

go get your sweat on.  make some friends.  try a class or two.  walk on the treadmill.  go sit in the hot tub.  (i've been debating whether or not i would be looked down upon for bringing a book to the gym and hiding in the locker room to read for my allotted gym time.  i'm thinking maybe i could just go sit on a bike and pedal reaaaaally slowly while i read.)

you guys.

2 HOURS OF BABYSITTING.  EVERY DAY.

are you picking up what i'm laying down?

on a completely unrelated note (if you've been reading this blog for any length of time you will know i'm fond of those), silas and i made these last night.



*the happiness took about 2 weeks.  for a while, the boys would scream and cry and cling every time we walked into the gym.  i was guilt-ridden and almost about to give up when one day, magically, everything was okay.  now they LOVE it and even ask to go sometimes.

fermentation to perfection

i was informed that my last post made me sound a wee bit depressed.  if it did, i apologize.  i didn't intend to give off "wallowing in my own sorrow" vibes.  i'm good.  things are good.  desmond hit me over the head with a huge plastic toy today.

(i'm not depressed.)

silas is a very patient man.  i think living with me is like a refiner's fire for his character.  by the end of our lives he's going to be practically perfect.

the other day he came home and i pointed to a bowl on the counter and announced gleefully, "i'm fermenting rice!"

he just shook his head.  he didn't share my pride or enthusiasm for home fermentation.

just so you know, it went to a good use.

steamed sourdough bread!

(i know, what?)

i found this recipe and was curious enough to try it.  the verdict?

interesting.  i actually really liked the flavor and the heartiness of it.  the only thing i wasn't crazy about was the texture, the middle wasn't as dry as i would have liked it to be.  (easily remedied by toasting it, btw.  mmmm.)  maybe i need to steam it longer?  who knows.  but i am proud of myself for making it.  i feel so hardcore.

another recipe i am a fan of is this homemade "ice cream".  i've seen tons of recipes like this floating around but i never actually tried one until last week, when tesla was sick.  (it was the only thing i could convince him to eat.)  he looooves ice cream (except when he says "ice" it rhymes with "grass".  think about it) and this was a big hit.

sometimes we have it for breakfast.  i even snuck some kale in the other day and he was none the wiser.  it seems to go over better than smoothies (even though it's practically the same thing), and the thickness makes it easier to eat with a spoon.  slightly less messy.  (but still pretty messy)

lovely weather lately.  it's only been in the 90s.  (i never thought the phrase "only in the 90s would pass my lips.  or my keyboard.  arizona has lowered my standards.)  today it even rained for 5 minutes!  i love love LOVE rainy, cloudy days.  although i'm told by my friends in the northwest that it gets old.

remember the game Perfection?  i saw it at target for $5 and bought it on a whim (i think roughly 80-90% of target's revenue comes from impulse buys).  it was a very fruitful whim to follow, it turns out.  tesla loves it.  i love that he sits there by himself and puts all the pieces in, since i usually can't get him to do puzzles.  use those problem-solving skills, little man.


and i have an announcement to make!

i am halfway to my goal of reading 50 books in 2012!  looks like i'm on track to finish strong.  in the beginning i questioned whether or not this goal was realistic, but who am i kidding.  of course it is!  i have no social life!

wait, that's not totally true.  i went to playgroup today.



less than a month until MASTERCHEF SEASON 3!!!!

don't believe everything you read [on blogs]

look how well my kids play together.

look at the beautiful summer day that we spent playing outside, splashing and frolicking and the like.

look at the homemade, 4-ingredient chocolate pudding i made my children as a special treat.

look how well they share.  they're such darling little angels.

look.  unrestrained bliss.  i am such a good mother.




now here's what you're not looking at.

don't look at the floor. it's got chocolate smeared on it and it's decorated artfully with crumbs and dog hair.  if i have to sweep and mop it one more time i am going to go insane.

don't look at desmond's toothbrush.  it's dry because i forgot to brush his teeth before bed.

what you don't know is that i had fed the boys dinner and had them in their pajamas before 5 pm.  (2 hours early...)  incidentally, my eagerness for bedtime to come did not actually speed up the passage of time.

you're not seeing the pile of clothes on the bed that were sitting in the dryer all day and are now crumpled and wrinkled.

don't look for an iron.  i don't own one.

what i didn't tell you is that during naptime, instead of sleeping, the boys chose to play.  which means they were kicking the doors and occassionally our neighbor's wall.  (dear neighbor, i'm so sorry and i promise we'll move out in a couple months.)

don't look at the outlet cover in the boys' room.  they cracked it in half.

and, while you're at it, leave the blinds alone.  i keep them up so you don't see that several are missing.

pictures don't show you how exhausted i was today, and how tired i was of hearing the same question repeated fifty times, and how i was (guiltily) counting the hours until bedtime.

by the way, i gave the boys pudding even after i told tesla he couldn't have anything else until tomorrow if he didn't want his dinner.  (consistency what?)

don't look at my leggings.  they have a hole in the knee and have been worn for 4 days (and counting...)

what pictures will never show you is how many times a day i have to break up an ownership battle.  ("IS A MIIIIIINE BIKE, DEDO!!!!!!!!!!!")

and don't look at the empty box of ghirardelli brownie mix from costco.

oh, and please don't ask me how long it took to get through the whole thing (6 bags of brownie nirvana).

[just over a week.]

i have serious issues with blog envy.  maybe some of you are the same.

so the next time you're scrolling through pages and pages of artfully placed and perfectly edited snapshots of someone's squeaky-clean life, remember:

that's not the whole story.




now if you'll excuse me, i believe i hear some shrieks of pain emanating from the boys' room.  time to go lay down the law.  again.

pb&j and watermelon

the simplicity of childhood.

(for the record, childhood is not so simple when you're guiding your boys through it as an adult.  people always say they don't make parenting handbooks.  actually, they do.  they make a lot of them.  but they all contradict each other and none of the authors have ever met my children.)

happy weekend, friendlets.

on bras, part 2

after reading this you might think i woke up and said, "hey, i feel like posting terrible pictures of myself on the internet today!"  but just so you understand where i was coming from, talking about not being able to find bras.

me, age 14, probably still an A cup (i was a late bloomer...)

but, oh, i bloomed.

me, age 19.  you will never hear me say this again but LOOK. AT. MY. GIRLS.

this picture was hidden away somewhere deep because of it's humiliation factor.  i had to search through a bunch of the files on our external hard drive to find it.  plus look how awkward i'm standing.  i was supersuper self-conscious about my chest.

(but good times with nick and elyssa!)

we refer to this as the "bubble boobs picture".  

for obvious reasons.

i think i cried when i saw it.

but this story does have a happy ending.  pregnancy and childbirth, surprisingly, did a lot for my self-esteem (in spite of the stretch marks and poundage they brought).  motherhood changes you, in some subtle and some not-so-subtle ways.

and, after i stopped nursing desmond (because, as you may recall, when i stopped nursing tesla i was already pregnant again), i lost a few cup sizes, like i mentioned before.  it was quite a blessing, and it's helped me loads.  i finally feel more proportionate.

if you are bigger or smaller than you want to be, i understand.  it's hard.  i've been on both ends.  i remember looking at my friends who had B and C cups and wishing i could be as big as they were.

(i'm not going to say it...no, i am.  BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.)

honestly, i believe birth control (the pill) played a big role.  when i left for college i was an already-uncomfortable DD, but after a couple months on the pill, well...you saw what happened.  (you understand why i am staunchly against the pill now...)

oh, and did i tell you that funny story about how i didn't wear a bra on my wedding day because after i bought my dress i didn't try it on again until the actual day i was getting married?  and we couldn't get it zipped up?  so i had to take my bra off, collapse my lungs, and wait as i was squeeeezed into my dress.

it was like wearing a corset.  honestly.

i've gone on about this topic long enough, and i know it was a major overshare.  :)

let's end with a look at the two boys who helped make me what i am today!

tesla unloading the dryer.

and desmond...throwing a fit.  how precious.  ;)

have a beautiful thursday. 

on bras

have you ever shopped figleaves?

if you wear a hard-to-find bra size and victoria's secret shuts it's shiny glass doors on you, i highly recommend it.  

i believe they carry band sizes 28-52, and cup sizes AA-K(?).  It will be easier to find bras in the A-FF range, but i'm pretty sure i've seen bigger and smaller than that.

i've bought bras almost exclusively from here for the past several years.  it's the only place i could find bras in a 30F.  (fun fact--at my very very biggest, i was a G.  it sucked.)

after i stopped nursing les bebes, i dropped a few cup sizes, but it's still hard to find bras.  so i'm back to online bra shopping.  yay. 

(they also carry swimsuits, too.  which is a blessing if you've ever felt like you were 'bust'ing out of your suit at the beach.)

so, why am i sharing this information with you?  i don't know.  just doing my part to send good vibes out into the universe, i guess.  

and i remember the frustration of never ever ever being able to find a bra that fits, so...here's my gift to all the ladies out there who've ever cried in victoria's secret. 

not that i've done that.

oh, wait.  here's a picture.

now we're done.