fo rilz?

in the past few months, the car has been...less than cooperative.

he held up his toast and said, "look!  helicopter!"

several weeks ago i arrived at the park with the boys and stepped out to realize that the car was emitting smoke.  (which explained the burning smell i had noticed on the way there.)

we had to leave it there and walk home.  my parents drove down from scottsdale to help out, and took the car in.  that little visit ended in a slew of repairs that totalled about $800.  (thank you, mom and dad.)

the catalytic converter (i'm not going to pretend i know what it is) is broken or something, so we bought a new one and took the car in.

turns out we bought the wrong one.  aaaaaand, if we want it fixed--$1400.

(we decided we can live with it the way it is.)

bought 4 new tires.

blew one out 2 days later.  completely flat, and beyond repair.  replaced it.



took the car in to get the transmission drip pan (?  or something like that) fixed.  while they were fixing it, they found that the people in Utah who had worked on our car a few years ago had broken off a screw and left it there.  $100 extra onto our bill for that.

for a while, the cd player wasn't working, due to the fact that tesla had fed some quarters into it at some point.  the radio, however, was working.

a week or so ago, silas got the quarters out.  (cd player still didn't work.)

a couple days later, the entire thing stopped working.  it won't even turn on.



while the car was in the shop a couple days ago (for the transmission thing), someone swiped tesla's car seat and the jogging stroller.  (kind of our fault for leaving them unattended, but while i'm airing grievances...)   :)

and this morning, i walk out to the car, put the key in the ignition, turn it, and...nothing.

well, not completely nothing.  the a/c and the lights came on (not the radio, of course).  but the engine made no sound.

well...c'est la vie, i guess.

now i need to go find someone to teach my class on sunday...

it doesn't count if you're standing, right?

the boys are doing roomtime.  it is peaceful.  (after i gave my "STOP BANGING THE BOOKCASE ON THE WALL" speech, of course.)

i finished the morning chores and was going to do some yoga.

instead i stood in the kitchen, staring off into space, and accidentally consumed 6 oatmeal chocolate chip walnut cookies while my mind was lost in thought.

i hate when i do that.

i suppose i can still go attempt the yoga.  i'm not really feeling it today, though.

i'm feeling pretty distracted, spacey.

(as you might have gathered.)


what were you saying?

tender moments

today, silas and i sat on the living room floor, sharing a pint of ice cream.

he was trying to spoon a huge chunk of heath bar out of the ice cream it was enveloped in.  i was doing my best to thwart his efforts with my own spoon.

"knock it off!" he said.  i grinned at him.

"did you know that one of my greatest pleasures in life is annoying you?"

he snorted.  "i know.  i'm always there for it."

"shut up," i said.  "you like to annoy me too.  you live for it."

he agreed as i dug out my own chunk of ice cream-covered candy.

"that's what makes us married," i said.

old picture.  say hi to bald newborn tesla!

seriously though.  i know we can't be the only ones that love to push each others' buttons.

i know, i know, love your spouse and all that.


it's just so fun.

an apology to my friends

i am not a good friend.

let's just put that out there.

and even though i really have no excuses, i want to try to explain why i suck at friendship so much.

but first, check out these giant pizza bubbles--my favorite part.

when i was growing up, my dad was in the military.  we moved around a bit.  not A LOT a lot, but by the time i was 18 i'd moved about 9 or 10 times.   (i know this is nothing, that some people move every year or even more than that.)

i made a lot of really good friends growing up.  close friends.  friends that i still think about on a weekly, or even daily, basis; even though i haven't talked to most of them in years.

but every time i moved, i moved on.  completely.  i guess i just assumed that was the natural order of things.  i tried sometimes to keep old friendships going after i moved to a new place, but eventually they would fade.  and i just accepted that.  not to say i didn't cry every day and feel incredibly lonely for a while, because i often did.  but i didn't really put much effort into sustaining old friendships.  i didn't know how.  in my experience, you made friends, you moved, you made new friends.

fast forward.  i'm 18.  i've been at college for a few weeks, maybe a month or so.  i get a call from one of my high school friends, and she chews. me. out.  why have i not called or kept in contact?  do i not care?  how can i just completely ditch the people i've spent the last four years building a close relationship with?

by the end of the phone call, i was sobbing.  i believe she even called me a bitch.  i deserved it.

so, to my friends, everyone that i spent more than a few minutes with in high school and college:  i'm sorry.

i think about you every day.  i can promise you that.  (most of you probably won't be reading this, but i'm serious.  i think about you.  i wonder how you're doing.  i miss you.  i stalk you on facebook.)  ;)

i didn't intentionally ditch you.  i just don't know how to keep friends.

one of the things silas has that i'm most envious of is friends that he grew up with.  friends that he's known since before high school, and after college.

i want to be jealous that he grew up in the same place for most of his life, and has years of shared experiences with these people.

but i know it's my fault that i'm not in close contact with my friends in high school.  i live across the country now, though.  can i still have those close relationships?

one of my bigger faults is that i am terrible about keeping in contact. i hate making phone calls because i'm super awkward on the phone.  (if i had a dollar for every person who's told me, "i got your message but i couldn't understand it because your voice sounds really high-pitched and you were talking too fast"...)

and my email response time leaves a lot to be desired.


another part of the problem was/is that, especially when i'm going through episodes of depression, i get wrapped up in myself.  i live completely in my head.  i don't reach out, i don't make contact with anyone.  i don't think anyone minds, because why would they want to be around a depressed person anyway?

my friends in high school were so good to me.  they took such good care of me.  i can be a difficult person, i think.  especially in high school, when my mood swings were unpredictable and sometimes volatile, i was lucky to find people that accepted me and loved me.  they put up with my hyper/manic energy and they dealt with all the times i came to school, put my head down on my desk, and cried for an hour and a half.

(now most of you are thinking, "wow.  what a basket case.  i'm so glad i didn't know you in high school.")

i've mellowed out.

(a little.)   :)


there have been so many times when i've wanted to email people that i haven't talked to in a while.  how's your pregnancy going?  do you like your new job?  congratulations on getting into grad school, how's it been so far?  tell me about your boyfriend, he looks so cute.  :)  did you decide whether or not to go to cosmetology school?

but these emails never get sent.  i think, "we haven't talked in so long, she probably doesn't want to hear from me.  she's probably forgotten me, an email will just seem nosy and invasive."

and so the cycle perpetuates.

so, to everyone i haven't talked to in a while: i haven't forgotten you.  i'm merely an abysmally poor communicator.  (just ask my husband.)  please forgive me.

lots of love, y'all.

cupcake love

cupcakes from sweet daddy to celebrate finding a swimsuit.

(with the boys in tow, no less.  they were not happy about the shopping but were quite pleased to split a cupcake.)

silas has the biggest mouth i've ever seen.  that is a gigantic cupcake.

and me?

pitiful.

it doesn't even look like i'm trying.



(but take a look at those cords in my neck--maybe i was trying too hard.)


go support your local cupcake shop.  ;)

just checking in

hello friends!

break was so good.  that's why i've been so silent.

and my pants are so tight.  that's why i've been in leggings 24/7.

(as you know, when silas is on break, i gain weight.  it's lovely.)

we watched the first episode of MASTERCHEF SEASON 3 tonight (it's only what i've been waiting for my whole life) and i'm reading book 44 of this year.  life is good.

also, i'm trying very hard to grow my hair out as quickly as possible.

...it's still a work in progress.


hope the rest of this week brings you good times and great oldies everything your heart desires.





p.s.  got a flat tire at the library today.  couldn't remember how to change it, so i drove home on it.  not supposed to do that, apparently.  (the library is only 5 minutes away!  like i was going to stop on the side of the road and try to change it myself like a fool and then get mugged when an unscrupulous man with suspicious intentions stops to "help" me.  please.)

but, silas made me change it when i got home.  i am now self-sufficient, and a car expert.

watch me go check the oil level with that little stick thing.