Confession: I am a Pansy

The other night Silas and I rented the movie Troy. We probably shouldn't have; I generally don't watch R-rated movies. As well as many PG-13s. Partly because I am a pansy. (More on that later. PS, I really want to get a ClearPlay DVD player.)

Anyways, I actually really enjoyed it. (Except for the few nude booties that I had to endure. I don't want to see nude booties. I have one.)

But, it was pretty violent (which is the main reason for its rating, if I recall correctly).

Usually, when someone suggests a movie for me, they'll say, "You should really watch [insert superawesomelifechanging movie title here]. It's so good. It's rated R, but just for violence."

Allow me to illustrate my point with a cleverly drawn picture. Note my obvious artistic talent.




You see what I mean?

Also, I cry easily. Very easily. My parents used to say I was so "tender-hearted". Which I later realized was code for "we can't take this child anywhere because she's a complete emotional tsunami waiting to unleash." If I read or watched something depressing, it would stay with me for hours. Possibly days.

Examples:

-I cried every single time I watched The Lion King. Mufasa's death made me picture what it would be like if my own father died. Traumatic movie.
-Lilo and Stitch. Tears.
-Seven Pounds, with Will Smith. When the movie was over I cried for about an hour and a half, and then sunk into a deep depression that lasted until the next day.
-I can't listen to the song "Butterfly Kisses". If you play it, I will leave.
-We read Night in high school, which resulted in a couple days of depression and recurring Holocaust dreams.


...That's enough.

Now that you've decided never to socialize with me again, let me enumerate my stringent guidelines for movies. (They can also be applied to books.)

1. No children dying. Or being tortured. Or harmed in any way.

2. Ditto with the elderly and animals.

3. If the movie is named after a dog, count me out. I don't need to watch it to know THE DOG DIES IN THE END.

4. Generally, movies about those with mental handicaps or mental illness or who are dying from cancer are too sad. (A Beautiful Mind. My Sister's Keeper. Beautiful, life-changing stories. But for the sake of my emotional stability, I must decline.)

5. If you haven't guessed...movies about the Holocaust. I'm sorry. It's not that I want to pretend it didn't happen. I just don't need a graphic depiction to stir my emotions.

6. On a different note , let's avoid movies in which the humor revolves around bodily functions. Or movies in which Jim Carrey is the main character. (Sorry Silas.) :)

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Hopefully you realize I'm only half-serious. Here's a baby.