snapshots

monday was my birthday.  we put up balloons.

unfortunately, they're right at the height of silas' head.  so they're going to have to come down soon.

i treated myself to a haircut on my birthday.  

of course, you can't really see it here.  (but can you tell that the duck tail is gone?!)  the stylist did an awesome job and completely listened to me.  i showed her some pictures of my goal hairstyles, and she cleaned my mullet up a lot and trimmed the back to shape it so it would grow out nicely.  i was prepared to lose a lot of length but it doesn't really feel shorter.  win win win.

now if only it would grow a foot overnight.

we wandered away from the playground the other day and found ourselves here.

it was peaceful and sunny and away from everyone.  the boys threw rocks and moseyed around.  it was one of those moments where everything is perfect and quiet--a suspension of time between the arguments and diaper changes and tiredness and tasks to be done.

we don't have those moments enough.  

i'm making my way (slowly, because i'm taking notes as i read and that always quadruples my book-reading time) through Buddhism for Mothers.  as i read it i catch glimpses of how things can be--peaceful, happy.  of course, i don't control all the factors, and let's face it--most of the time life with toddlers is not anyone's definition of peaceful.  

but i've had days, moments, that make me believe.  days where, by starting the day off with a little yoga and meditation (and i mean little...10 or 15 minutes total), i helped fill my reserves so i had a well of patience from which to draw all day.  i've had days before where i was able to mentally separate myself from everything, but rather than coming from a place of detachment, which is something i've struggled with a lot, i was able to act out of love and things just didn't affect me as much.

sometimes i spend all day reacting and correcting and feeling frustrated and selfish and tired.  i love the wee beasties but they can take a lot out of me if i'm not prepared.  it's amazing, though, what a huge, huge difference it makes when i'm in the proper mindset.

the feeling i'm trying to explain eludes description.  i'm not sure if i can accurately portray it in a blog post...but i know what it is.  i've felt it before.  

and i want it back.

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in case you're interested, my favorite parenting book:  Simplicity Parenting.