and i cannot lie

this morning, i was trying to get ready (and the boys were, of course, following me around like shadows).  there is always a running commentary.


"mommy, is that you mascara?"

"mommy, i can hold you mascara?"

"mommy, makeup is not for boys.  it's for glurls!"

"...mommy, you a glurl?"

"mommy, desmond hit me!  he hit me with two hands!"


and today, when i was getting dressed, desmond made another observation.

"mommy, is that you big bum?"


yes. yes it is.

thank you for that.

unrelated picture

i hope you're having a pleasant weekend.

quick one

i have some (a lot of) laundry to fold and i'm hearing raucous cackling from the boys' bedroom so my time is limited.  but i wanted to pop in and post a picture of triumph.

the art of the tease has always eluded me (on so many levels...), and although i discovered the concept of french braiding my bangs quite a while ago, i've never been able to master it.  so yesterday my friend portia was kind enough to give me and leanne a mini tutorial on these two techniques.  and like any good student, i put my new skills into practice today.

1.  i know i look super uncomfortable.  (and also like i am 13 years old) silas hates this face.  he was going through a bunch of pictures the other day and said, "why do you always make that face??"  it's my "fake smiling is awkward and makes my eyes squinty but my 'normal' face looks angry so here's an uncomfortable compromise" face.  and yes, looking at it makes me cringe a little.

2.  it's difficult to tease and style your hair when some of your layers are too short to cover the teased portion.  but i was not to be deterred.

3.  bobby pin count: 7

4.  that is not spit up on my shirt.  it is the dirty mirror that i cleaned 2 days ago.

5.  one of the reasons (aside from my apparently unabashed narcissism) that i post so many hair pictures is that there isn't a ton of help/ideas out there for hair this short/growing pixie cuts.  scanning through pictures of styles i've attempted helps me when i'm in an "i hate my hair" rut, so maybe someone else will one day find them useful.

6.  the raucous cackling has turned to crying, so that's my cue to sign off.  peace and love.

alone on a saturday night

and what else is there to do but blog?  (since i'm currently banning myself from watching any more episodes of Dollhouse...i get creeped out very easily.)

1.  i think i'm in love.  you know that amazing triple chocolate ghirardelli brownie mix that comes in a 6 pack at costco?  we call them crack brownies.  i have been unable to replicate them.  they are amazing...i bought myself some small ramekins specifically for those brownies.  i keep the batter in the fridge and pop a ramekin of it in the oven whenever i feel like it.  which is usually at least twice a day.

2.  speaking of love, yesterday was silas' and my 5 year wedding anniversary.  we celebrated with deliciously authentic (to me) indian food, complete with bellydancing.  (meaning there was a very talented belly dancer at the restaurant.  neither silas nor i did any belly dancing.  i just felt the need to clarify that.  i mean, we would have joined in, but i forgot my sequined bra and he left his coin skirt in the car.)

3.  bobby pins.  every day.

apparently my default is "brooding face"

4.  today was what i would call an excellent hair day.  observe what a little effort can do:

air dried

after enlisting the help of some beach spray and a diffuser + curling iron.  then slept on it.

the problem is, since i've gotten my hair cut, i haven't been able to style it the same way twice.  meaning, i don't have a chance in hell of getting it to look like this again.

bummer.

4.  sometimes this happens instead.

photobomber tesla...this is a really attractive picture of both of us

i'm just not really sure what to do with that.  with long hair, you can always throw it in a ponytail.  with short hair...point me to the nearest hat store.

5.  less than a month until masterchef starts!!  

6.  so, when i'm reading my friends' blogs, i'll often check the sidebar and read some of their friends' blogs.  (because i'm nosy like that.)

sometimes i'll see someone out and about (in public) and think, "how do i know you?" and then, thankfully before i engage the person in what is bound to be awkward conversation, i remember that i'm recognizing her from her blog.  and that she has no idea who i am, even though i know her and her kids' names and where she and her husband met.

it makes me feel like such a creeper.

reading about other people's lives is just so interesting...

7.  i can't remember if i posted this picture already (and i'm not about to go check), but these two little men with their bandaid-ed bellies make me smile.

have a happy weekend.

bobbin' around

the other day silas was going through the thousands of pictures on our external hard drive and i was hovering over his shoulder getting weepy-eyed at pictures of my babies when i saw this.

oh yes.  it was long once.  (this pictures is from 2ish years ago, i'd wager.)

after seeing that mane i sunk into hair depression for a few days.

but then i decided to pull myself up by my bootstraps (what??) and focus on the things i could control.

so that's why i'm currently sprawled on my bed, half-dressed and with a shower cap over my coconut oil-drenched tresses, scouring the internet for cute pictures to inspire me and my short hair.

it's working.  i feel tons better already.  check this out.

here

adorable, right??  (and also, how do people manage to wear scarves naturally?**)

bobs are familiar territory for me.  i know they look cute on me (let's be modest here) and they're reasonably versatile so i'm excited to get to that stage.  i think what's bugging me the most about my hair is the lack of shape/style.  it's just growing willy nilly.

and i just will not tolerate willy nilliness.

now for the question of the day.

mullet love

is my hair long enough to shape into a cute bob, or do i need to grow it for a couple more months?




-----------------------------------------------


**for your entertainment, a replay of silas' reaction last time i tried to be fashionable and wear a scarf in public:

me:  so, i'm trying to figure out if i should wear my hair up or down with this scarf.  what do you think?

silas:  ...

me:  i'm also trying to figure out a way to tie it so it doesn't look like i'm being strangled to death.

silas:  i was wondering if that was the look you were going for.

pixie cut--four month update

yes.  it has been four months.  four glorious months filled with sunshine and fun and pretty hair.

ahem.

(NOT)

but for documentation purposes, here are the pictures.

 original haircut, Dec 2012

and taken just this morning in my bathroom, 4 months and 5 days later...

nothing like awkward grow-out hair and pms bloat and breakouts (that are thankfully blurred over due to the quality of the ipad camera) to make you feel like a superstar.

i keep going back and forth on the whole "power through the ugly stages and just grow it out" vs. "trim frequently to shape it" debate.  my mini-goal right now is just to get it to a normal-looking bob, with my hair hopefully all close to the same length.  once i'm there, i should be able to just let it grow.

we shall see.

pipe cleaners and pom poms

today, for the first time in a long time, we did a little impromptu preschool.

pipe cleaner twisted around a marker

we started off trying to weave pipe cleaners through a cooling rack.  (inspiration here)  i demonstrated it a few times (the boys promptly pulled them out) and then let them have a go.

that lasted approximately two minutes.  it was a little beyond them.

moving on then.  

next i brought out the pom poms and lidded container.  they spent some time putting them in the hole, and used the cardboard tube as a chute to make it a little more fun.

i had an idea and got the cookie sheet (which fits conveniently underneath the cooling rack--excellent crumb catcher when you're cutting homemade bread, fyi).  we dropped the small pom poms through the slats and took turns poking the big ones down.  

my next brilliant idea was a slide.  (this was a good day for me, friends--after coming off of a medication that had me feeling like a complete zombie for most of last week, i felt amazing today)*.  

that orange blur is a ball sliding down.

also, at what age do i have to stop dressing them alike?

we took turns holding the tube (and by "took turns" i mean i held it 90% of the time) and sticking pom poms down it.  they popped out the other end, slid nicely down the nonstick surface of the cookie sheet, and fell through (or were poked through) the slats of the rack.  this one was a hit.

after desmond went down for his nap tesla and i had about 20 more minutes to play.  we spent it doing this color matching game using, once again, the pipe cleaners and pom poms.

tesla had a script for us as we played.

tesla: say, tesla, what color do you want?

me: tesla, what color do you want?

tesla: um...green.

(i hand it to him)

tesla: (gives it back to me) say, there. 

me: there.

tesla: mommy, what color do you want?

me: um...blue.

tesla:  you want red?

me: sure. red.

tesla: big one or small one?

me: small one.

tesla: you want big one?

me: sure. big one.

talk about leading questions.

*yes, these simple activities are me at my creative peak.  be impressed.

------------------

i hope your week is starting off well.  oh, and happy april fool's day.  i'm not on facebook anymore so i missed all the fake pregnancy announcements and completely forgot about this venerated holiday.  but if you pranked someone today, i hope you got 'em good.

those boys

are so dang cute sometimes.

 desmond with the giant bear he found at the library

tesla combing his hair...that lip!

they make me pretty happy.

age difference

"okay, see the shapes?  we're going to put stickers all the way around.  like this.  see, it goes on the black line."



the 3 year old

time occupied: ~30 minutes (some help was given, since he wanted to take turns putting stars on)

the 2 year old

time occupied: ~5 minutes

*note:  all the stickers that are actually on the square were done by me.




any questions?

i just wanted to say

that i love love love my new bangs.

they're my most favorite bangs i've ever had.

i had a couple rough days after my recent haircut...tried to scrunch and blow-dry and it was a disaster, so i got stuck straightening it every day.  but it's a pain to do and i don't like the way my hair lays when it's straight and then my bangs were too straight and sticking out weird and i was beginning to regret them.  so today we just went with the old "apply product, air dry, and hope for the best".  (plus a 3 second bang blast with the hair dryer)

myspace mirror pic:

1, angle your body

2. don serious "i'm a baller" expression

3. avert gaze

check check check...i feel like i'm 15 again.

so, just in case you were going about your saturday business and suddenly thought, "oh em gee!  i wonder what the status of heather's hair is right now??"

curiosity satisfied.  you're welcome.

also, in case you don't know me that well and were wondering...no.  that is not my shirt.  that is one from silas' collection.

if i had a shirt for every marathon i've run...i'd have exactly zero.

savages

when i was growing up, we had a black lab/chow mix named nala.

she was sweet and neurotic and in most ways very un-doglike.

but whenever we would subject her to a bath in the backyard, she always reacted the same way.

she stood, rigid as a statue, while we hosed her down and lathered her up.  her look of pathetic resignation was almost enough to convince us we truly were torturing her.  (almost.)  we tried our best to choke back our guilt as we rinsed her off in the cold spray.

and then, the second we let go of her collar, she took off like a bat out of hell.

she would tear around the perimeter of the yard three times, as fast as her four furiously working legs could carry her girth.  then she would promptly go find a dead skunk and roll in it while cackling gleefully.


my children react much the same way to the shedding of their fabric confinement.  (minus the skunks, of course.)

as soon as those clothes hit the floor--FREEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMM!

they're running around the apartment--up the couch! down the couch! jump on mommy's bed! run out of mommy's room before she grabs us! up the bunk beds!  down the bunk beds!  life is good!  WE'RE NAKED!

unrelated picture of desmond when he trashed the closet (a.k.a. his bedroom) one night

at least they usually keep their nude voodoo dances within the walls of our apartment.

although there was that one time when they both escaped and took off streaking around all the buildings...

my neighbors love me.

snapshots

monday was my birthday.  we put up balloons.

unfortunately, they're right at the height of silas' head.  so they're going to have to come down soon.

i treated myself to a haircut on my birthday.  

of course, you can't really see it here.  (but can you tell that the duck tail is gone?!)  the stylist did an awesome job and completely listened to me.  i showed her some pictures of my goal hairstyles, and she cleaned my mullet up a lot and trimmed the back to shape it so it would grow out nicely.  i was prepared to lose a lot of length but it doesn't really feel shorter.  win win win.

now if only it would grow a foot overnight.

we wandered away from the playground the other day and found ourselves here.

it was peaceful and sunny and away from everyone.  the boys threw rocks and moseyed around.  it was one of those moments where everything is perfect and quiet--a suspension of time between the arguments and diaper changes and tiredness and tasks to be done.

we don't have those moments enough.  

i'm making my way (slowly, because i'm taking notes as i read and that always quadruples my book-reading time) through Buddhism for Mothers.  as i read it i catch glimpses of how things can be--peaceful, happy.  of course, i don't control all the factors, and let's face it--most of the time life with toddlers is not anyone's definition of peaceful.  

but i've had days, moments, that make me believe.  days where, by starting the day off with a little yoga and meditation (and i mean little...10 or 15 minutes total), i helped fill my reserves so i had a well of patience from which to draw all day.  i've had days before where i was able to mentally separate myself from everything, but rather than coming from a place of detachment, which is something i've struggled with a lot, i was able to act out of love and things just didn't affect me as much.

sometimes i spend all day reacting and correcting and feeling frustrated and selfish and tired.  i love the wee beasties but they can take a lot out of me if i'm not prepared.  it's amazing, though, what a huge, huge difference it makes when i'm in the proper mindset.

the feeling i'm trying to explain eludes description.  i'm not sure if i can accurately portray it in a blog post...but i know what it is.  i've felt it before.  

and i want it back.

------------

in case you're interested, my favorite parenting book:  Simplicity Parenting.

when your hair feels like it's not even growing

i've grown my hair out tons of times.

i've had short hair.  i've had layers.  i know how this works.

but growing out a pixie cut is a different game altogether.  even when it feels like it's getting longer, like i might be only a month or two away from a cute bob, i can pull out layers that haven't quite reached ear-length yet.

and then i realize.  how long.  this is going.  to take.

so if you are bemoaning the slow-growing and wondering why you ever thought it was a good idea to get all those tiny layers cut into your hair...remind yourself of all the awesome stuff your hair can do.  

i have two excellent looks i've been wanting to share.

behold, MOM HAIR WITH A DUCK TAIL:

i get compliments on this look all the time.  especially when i pair it with a cheap white hanes tee and some faded yoga capris.

 and now, look number two:  ROCK STAR HAIR

even though i can't see anything, i can just feel how cool i look.

now that you've been properly inspired, go forth and create.

the squash baby

tesla has a history of adopting butternut squash(es?).

yesterday was no exception.

the moment i mentioned we needed one yesterday, his little ears perked up.  he helped me select a squash and then insisted on holding it through the rest of our grocery shopping trip (he was very upset when the checkout clerk put his squash in a bag...it was supposed to go in his arms!), in the car, and at home; where he promptly tucked it in for a nice rest on the couch.

later they took a nap together (i'm sure butternut squash was thrilled to share the top bunk with him), and just hung out.  like buddies.

that little boy.

we do plan on eating his new best friend later this week, but he's dealt with this type of trauma before.  i think he'll understand.


and here's an unrelated but cute picture of the boys after playing in the puddles from the rain the other day.

(i just checked the weather in a vain hope that maybe it would rain again today...no.  high of 81º.  i'm going to go cry.)

my little pony

with the help of a headband i was able to pull my hair into a wee little ponytail today.

silas calls it "the pirate ponytail".

and, yes, it's not a proper ponytail because only about 1/3 of my hair is long enough to be pulled back (see all the short layers sticking out?).

but it's the illusion of a ponytail.  and that, my friends, is what matters.

you can write that down.

psych...

so, one of my friends (thank you ashley) answered my question about the sketchy referring URLs that were showing up for the blog.  apparently they are just spam sites, trying to get you to visit.  so for now, i will leave the blog public.  sorry for the back-and-forth.  but thank you to everyone who sent me your email because you wanted to keep reading.  you warmed my heart.

 i painted my nails when silas was in mexico.  also, note my crackly, dry hands.  

for the first time in a couple years i have a phone that is not just the cheapest prepaid phone i could find.  it takes very decent pictures (see detailed photo above of my wrinkly hands).  

behold, le desmond:

i started reading the Old Testament (King James Version) at the beginning of this year...i'm currently at the end of 1 Samuel.  i haven't read the OT since high school, when we studied it in seminary (Bible study class before school).  now i'm reading it straight through and, honestly...i'm not sure what i think of it.  i have a lot of questions about a lot of things.  

i took the boys to the mall to play today (and to ride the "alligator", of course...it's not a real mall experience without a good elevator trip).  while we were walking around after, i stepped into sephora on a whim.  when a sales associate asked me if i was looking for anything specific, my brain said, "no, just browsing," and my mouth said, "yes, i want a natural-looking pink lipstick". 

i walked out ten mintues later with a $13 tube of "natural-lip-color-enhancing" lip balm.  assertiveness fail.  you know i can't say no to those people!  happy early birthday to me, i guess.  

it is a very nice lip balm.  and it does enhance my lip color quite beautifully.  (i tried to take a picture but taking a phone shot of my lips without getting my creepy giant nostrils in the picture is impossible.)

what else was i going to talk about?  oh yes, my hair.  ;)

i dyed it last night!  it's not a drastic change, i was just trying to get it back to something close to my natural color.

before:

here you can see the nice two-tone color i've got going on (from the last time i dyed my hair).

after:

i'm not entirely sure what i think yet.  i'm fairly certain i like it, and i think it's close to my natural shade.  time will tell though, i usually have a lot of issues with my home dye jobs fading/turning red.

today was another bad hair day (the back is giving me issues...a bunch of funky, uneven layers).  unfortunately i can't just pull it up into a ponytail.  instead, i am left to concoct hairstyles that can only be achieved through artifice and an arsenal of bobby pins.

and here's a picture of the stupid back.

i know it doesn't look that bad in the pictures but that's because i've been fighting it for two days, trying to straighten the [heck] out of it.  the uneven-ness and multiple lengths is not something i can attempt to fix with a cheap straightener, unfortunately.

that $%#@ mullet/duck tail.

i'm listening to fall out boy

and it reminds me of when silas and i were dating.  that's probably the last time i heard a fall out boy song.

confession: i love taking pictures of myself.  maybe i've confessed this before.  it's not necessarily because i think i am just so breathtaking (ha!) that i have to be captured on [invisible digital] film...it's probably more due to the fact that i am my only willing subject.  (when i was growing up my dog and cats were occasionally forced into serving as my photographic victims--props and outfits included.)

when i was bored in high school i used to do my hair and makeup and take pictures of myself, playing around with the lighting (this was before instagram filters) and practicing my "serious model face" and working on trying to smile while still keeping my squinty eyes visible.

obviously my modeling career never took off.  but i still retain an adolescent love of self-portraits.  it's just fun, okay?  now that you know the extent of my vanity...

i've been taking a lot of pictures of my hair lately, because i may not cut it this short again and i want to remember it.  also, it seems like it changes almost weekly so it's fun to look back.  and when i'm having a really bad hair day it helps to look at pictures from a few days or weeks ago when my hair looked cute.  (looking at pictures of my long hair just depresses me because it feels so far away.)

i did an "updo"(and i use that term veeeeeery loosely here) today, which basically consisted of tying a headband (a.k.a. the hem of my grey t-shirt that i cut off) around my head and jamming a million bobby pins into the rest of it until it stayed back.  it doesn't look as cute as i thought it would.  it reminds me of this hairstyle i used to do in 6th grade, when i would pin my hair back with about 20 different butterfly clips in a cacophony of colors.  i thought it was trendy and awesome.  in reality (i've seen pictures) it was mostly just ridiculous.

 that fuzz at the bottom is my hair...i was trying to take a picture with the ipad of the back of my head.  

this is what happens to my head when i blowdry my hair upside-down.

and in other, non-self-focused news, we (meaning silas with a tiny bit of assistance from me) finally bunked up the boys' beds.  they love it.

have a lovely weekend.


-----------------------

also, just a reminder that i'm making my blog private, so if you want to keep reading and haven't sent me your email, you can leave it in the comments or email me (hcklaver@gmail.com).  and for those who have asked, it's just because i've gotten some sketchy websites showing up in the referring URLs and, since i have kids, i'd feel more comfortable narrowing down my audience.  however, if you are a normal person and have been secretly stalking me (and if you are, there is a very good chance i have read your blog too, since i am the blog stalking queen), now is the time to de-lurk!!  you don't have to know me to read the blog.  you just have to not be a creeper.

besos.

at last...

hello loves.  i'm going to be making my blog private in a few days, so if you want to keep reading, please email me at hcklaver@gmail.com so i can send you an invite.

i think that's how it works.  we'll see.  haha.

peace.

other stuff

the other morning i came into the kitchen to find tesla like this.

i was informed that he was making lemon cookies.  he sawed a lemon in half (i stepped in to supervise/assist right after i walked in and saw that huge knife in his hand), squeezed it into the bowl, and then dumped in some 9-grain cereal.  mmm.  tasty.

he was really set on having cookies though, so i promised him that we'd make some after he and D took their baths.  we ended up making chocolate chip cookies (for breakfast).  i was ready to make lemon but he changed his mind and decided chocolate chip sounded better.  can't blame him.



i love desmond's posture in this picture.

we found some kipper books at the library (not pictured) and the boys were THRILLED.  thrilled, i tell you.  they adore kipper.  so much so that i've been informed by several people that the boys sometimes speak with british accents.  (it's very amusing.)



the boys are finally getting to the age where craft projects might be in our foreseeable future.  i let them paint the other day and they loved it.  it actually occupied them for around 20 minutes, too, which is about 16 minutes longer than the last time we tried it.  

 tesla

 desmond

the final products 

and in other, very exciting news...the subaru keeps breaking down so i have been forced to learn to drive a stick shift.  i am proud to announce that today, i drove the troopacabra* to the grocery stores and home without any mishaps, tickets, or maiming of pedestrians!

ye olde troopacabra.  i feel so legit driving it around.

what's new with you?

---------------

*a while back we nicknamed the trooper "the troopacabra" (see chupacabra), and now that's what the boys call it every. time.  "where's daddy's troopacabra?  you gonna drive the troopacabra mommy?  we go ride in the troopacabra and see the snow**?"

**they're obsessed with snow, even though we don't get any here.  we're going to have to take a trip up to flagstaff during break so they can see some.