project 365

a couple days ago, i was reading about project 365 on a blog.

(which blog?  no idea.  i can't find it now, of course.)

this particular blogger was doing a year of self-portraits, and i thought it sounded interesting.  so guess what you're about to get?  a lot of pictures of me.

i know you're excited.

part of it is selfish.  i love looking back at old pictures of myself.  and since i'm the mama, if i don't take them, nobody will.

part of it is because i want to get over my photo awkwardness.  like this.

when silas saw this picture, he texted me, "you look nervous/worried."

SHUTUPTHAT'SJUSTHOWMYFACEIS.

i'm super awkward in photos.  should i smile?   am i smiling too much?  do my eyes look squinty?  am i slouching?  try to look natural?  how the heck can i do that when someone's lens is staring at me?

obviously i wasn't born to model.

i'm not making this a Super Official Thing because i'm not too good at that stuff, and since i can't find the original source that inspired me, here are the only 2 rules i can think of:

(1)  it has to be a picture of me, taken by me

(2)  even though every day doesn't have to be a picture of my face, i have to be included in it somewhere (i think i'm going to leave this open to loose interpretation though)

i started it on march 13, 2012 and will conclude on march 13, 2013.

my lucky, lucky readers.

to catch up, here is tuesday's picture, which you already saw in yesterday's post.

1

this is before the boys wiped their noses on my sweater.  remind me why i bother to wear black?


and wednesday's.

2

these are my hands.

they're not pretty hands.  they're hands that do a lot of chopping and mixing and washing and scrubbing and wiping and holding.  they're hands that crack and bleed if i don't wear gloves to do the dishes.  they're hands that are practically bathed in cetaphil at least twice a day, but still show signs of wear.  they're hands that do a lot of typing but long to be able to make music.

they're hands that make me look unmarried when i forget to wear my ring.  ;)  but i think the two shrieking toddlers are enough to stave off any would-be pursuers.



and today's.

3

this is a fairly honest picture.  the room is untidy, i'm wearing a baggy shirt advertising a race i didn't run (silas' of course), and i didn't shower after the gym today (the horror).  i'm feeling pretty neutral.

i always feel like i have to smile in pictures.  i think this is because when i don't smile people seem to think i'm simmering in some deep, consuming anger or wallowing in my own misery.  must be something about my face.

random strangers would come up to me when i was a teenager, just walking along doing my thing, and say, "hey!  smile!  everything will be okay!"

true story.  and it used to piss me off.  i wanted to shout, "i'm not mad!  this is my normal face!  so shove it!"

ahem.  i was a pretty angsty teen.

so that's why i'm self-conscious about my 'neutral face'.  some people have mastered the art of not smiling and looking perfectly content and normal in pictures.  maybe one day i'll be able to pull that off.

(btw, that's a tiny smile in the picture above.  the first one i took was unsmiling, and i did indeed look livid.)